Thesis- The AIDS quilt panel for Lisa Brown teaches us a lot about forgotten child survivors of HIV/AIDS victims.
I. These child survivors of HIV/AIDS are often overlooked and underrepresented in psychological research.
A. How many?
B. In what way are they overlooked?
C. Why are they overlooked?
II. These children often internalize their grief after losing their infected loved one.
B. Why is this harmful?
III. The panel speaks to these struggles and brings awareness to these complicated situations.
B. Is this purposeful?
C. What does this add to the quilt?
What first drew me to this panel was the words “I LOVE you mom” scrawled in large blue letters across the lower half of the panel. I could feel the shout of desperation, the longing, the need to have the mother’s spirit know that her son loves her and misses her. These words speak to me, not about the mother lost, as much as the child left behind. It reminds me of my favorite book quote, from The Book Thief where death is speaking:
“It’s the leftover humans. The survivors. They’re the ones I can’t stand to look at, although
on many occasions I still fail. I deliberately seek out the colors to keep my mind off them,
but now and then, I witness the ones who are left behind, crumbling among the jigsaw
puzzle of realization, despair, and surprises. They have punctured hearts. They have
beaten lungs. Which in turn brings me to the subject I am telling you about tonight,
or today, or whatever the hour and color. It’s the story of one of those perpetual
survivors –an expert at being left behind.”
Looking at this panel I want to analyze the life of these young survivors. I want to hear their voices and know their stories. Their “punctured hearts,” and “beaten lungs” deserve to be remembered and understood. I want to understand Robert Brown, the creator of this panel, and how AIDS affected his life. He presented his panel at age 12. For him, every aspect of this panel honors his family, specifically the mother that he loves and misses. After viewing this panel, I read two letters sent in about the panel. One from a NAMES Project volunteer who witnessed the presentation and one from Robert himself.
The volunteer tells the story of a “tearful” Robert who struggled to let the panel go because it was like “once again he was forced to leave his mother.” Finally, Robert gave the panel to the AIDS quilt, asking that they “put it with ‘The other Mothers” who have died.”
In Robert’s letter, he explains the symbolism of the panel. The birds to the left and right of the circle are him and his sister. The bottom bird is his grandmother, who is now his guardian. The symbols at the bottom of the panel are animal tracks “leading to the spirit world.” The beige background represents the earth. The pinwheel made to represent life colors each represents aspects of nature:
Red- The sun
Blue- The sky
White- The clouds
At the center of this circle is where Robert believes his mother’s spirit is located. Robert never explains the illustrated cloths, but because they encircle the mother’s spirit, I believe they are Robert’s way of creating a perfect ‘heaven’ or ‘haven’ for his mother’s spirit. Surrounding her with beautiful images of nature is Robert’s way of bringing her the peace. This could represent the pressures these children face to protect their sick parent from the horrors of the world- they work tirelessly to give their suffering loved one a perfect life and when they lose that loved one they may feel the need to give them that perfection in death. It is very normal in our culture to want to bring peace to these lost ones, however, normally that weight is not put on the shoulders of a 12-year-old boy who just lost his mom.
Robert also did not mention the multicolored words like the “I LOVE you mom,” this could be a message for his mother’s spirit. This affectionate cry proves not only that the elements of this panel is meant for his mother, but also the desperation Robert faces to ensure that his mother knows how much he loves her. This panel shares the concerns of this young boy- How will she know where to go? What if she gets lost? Does she know that she is loved? Is she happy where she is? Does she finally feel better? Will she miss me?
Zusak, Markus. The Book Thief. New York : Alfred A. Knopf, 2007. Print.
*See the “An AIDS Panel for a Mother” page for the original writing
“Lisa Brown: A mother, A daughter, Another lost one”- I decided to start the post with the name of the person the panel is honoring as a way of giving the object a name. The I wrote who she was being recognized as “a mother” who she must have been ” a daughter” and concluded with why she had a panel. I used “lost one” rather than “victim” because I did not want anyone to interpret that as a weakness. She did lose her battle against AIDS but she was by no means weak.
“Block: 4994, Panel: 1”- I included this to act as a more objective name and to help people locate this panel if they wanted to.
“canvas”- I kept using this word to describe rough cloth. I like to paint in my free time so the only rough cloth I encounter on a regular basis is canvas. This is part of why writing is so subjective because we relate things we see to things we have experienced in our environment. It is an act of association.
“the depictions framed portrait (vertically)”- I was always taught in art class ‘portrait’ and ‘landscape’ orientation, however, I renamed it as vertical just in case the description was not clear
“most likely cheap”– In my experience rough, beige material is typically inexpensive.
“The center of the top half contains a circle divided in four quarters of color”- This circle catches the eye because of its size and colors. Because of the attention was drawn to it, I assumed it was an important symbol so I started with it and described the spatial usage of the top half in relation to the circle.
“The top color is baby blue, the east color is a forest green, the west is white, and the bottom color is bright cherry red”- I noticed here that every color is described with a type, except white. Why not specify which white?
“different from the base material. It is fuzzier”- I noticed a lot of comparison within the panel. The panel brought all the elements together but what set them apart?
“The thread is black, thin, and continuous (the stitches were small and close together)”- I used to sew, so based off what I see and what I have experienced, I make the assumption that this means “the stitches are small and close together.”
“The spaces above, below, left, and right of the circle depict naturalistic predatory birds”- The order of directions must be due to the fact the form of writing I was always taught to use was top to bottom, left to right.
“glued to the background material”- I made this assumption because I could see no indication of the material being sewn.
“mid-flight pose (wings outstretched)”- I do not know exactly where I got the knowledge that allows me to assume the activities of these birds, but I did include a description of the stance to provide a more objective visual.
“white, black, sandy brown, and light brown”- Why do white and black always lack adjectives?
“The southern bird”- I find it very interesting that half of the time I used cardinal directions to describe the spatial juxtaposition of the image. What does that say about the images?
“The eyes are slightly darker and larger than the side birds”- Again I use a comparison to describe aspects of the panel.
“appears”- This verb works to say what I think it is and to say that it could be something different. It points out that this description is my perception.
“Its eye is actually colored and has a pupil, unlike the others”- Comparison
“illustrated cloths”- The word “illustrated” implies that there is a story behind the depiction.
“less pliable than the background canvas”- Comparison
“like a clothing patch”- I try to use things I have experienced in my environment to clarify the description, I must assume that my audience has had a similar environment.
“a printed depiction”- I assumed that the depiction was “printed” because it was appeared to be made of ink and not hand drawn.
“The patch in the top left corner depicts a deer landing from a jump across a river. The body is at an angle- hind legs still in the air while the front legs are planted on the ground”- I make an assumption, but then I back it up with a visual description.
“The picture is framed by two clusters of trees”- I seem to use the word “framed” a lot in my description. What does that say about my perception of the picture?
“The trees appear to be birch”- I relate the trees to the only trees I know that have the light bark with horizontal lines.
“clumps of grass”- I seem to use the word “clumps” to describe the organic clusters of the items.
“evergreens”- These trees reminded me of Christmas trees.
“a sprinkling of small white flowers with yellow centers”- I love the use of the word “sprinkling,” it perfectly describes the dispersed nature of the tiny flowers.
“a mother bear”- I used the presence of the cubs to assume it is a mother bear.
“perched at the top of a tree”- The use of “perched” implies the deliberate and balanced stance of the cub.
“buffalo who appear to be grazing with their heads lowered towards the grass”- I assume the action and then support the assumption with a description of the scene.
“the main buffalo”- I establish it as the “main buffalo” because it is larger and centered.
“The rightmost bird is an exact copy of the bird south of the center circle”- This is proof to me that the images are printed.
“It has a full profile view with the front leg closest to the viewer raised”- This sentence references the viewer in the description. Aren’t I a viewer? Why not say “me” instead of “viewer.”
“the foreground”- This word seems more technical to me, like something an art critic would say.
“decorated with handwritten letters and hand-drawn symbols”- I assume they are handwritten because of their organic nature and desperate message.
“The words “In,” “my,” “Brown,” and “Died 5/17/96” are written in blue ink. The words “memory,” “mom,” and “Lisa” are written in black. The words “of” and “Born 10/25/65″ are written in red”- Why are the words written in different colors? What do these colors imply?
“I LOVE you mom”- This part is was what first drew me into to this panel. It is like a loud desperate call that seems to say more about the author than the audience. I noticed that “love” was in all caps like it was being yelled. To me, the two main points of the panel are this and the pinwheel of colors.
“an array of symbols”- This was the only way I could think to describe this section because I was unfamiliar with the symbols and they were all different from each other in one way or another.
“small blue exclamation points”- I labeled most of these forms as exclamation points because I did not know what they were so I just related them to the closest thing I recognized.
“with pairs of what looks like human shoe prints or exclamation points”- Again, I did not know what the symbol was supposed to be so I related it to something I have seen before. These symbols tell me that I am not the intended audience. I assume based off the message earlier and these unfamiliar symbols that this panel’s audience is the mother who the creator lost.
“the right pair of prints is blue while the others are black”- What is the significance of these colors?
“blockier exclamation points”- I compare the symbols to each other to describe the forms.
“Above and to the right of this face”- I spatially compare these forms because they appear to be in random spots, not in any pattern or symmetry.
“like eyelashes”- I wanted to note the connection my brain instantly drew between the symbol and something I had identified before. This goes to show that even in “objective” writing there is the presence of subjective perception coloring the description.